HEADLINES ARCHIVE

June 29, 2012

— Man not on selection committee or HOF eligible expresses interest in MTG HOF

— “The recession is over!” –prostitute following Kenny Hsiung’s WSOP bracelet win

— Top 8 of GP Vancouver asked to leave player area for start of the quarterfinals

— GerryT’s GF gets first orgasm of the relationship upon beating him in sanctioned play

— Senate Republicans threaten filibuster over unbanning of Land Tax

April 17, 2012

–Geordie Tait breaks James Cameron’s depth level record by lowering the discourse in a comment thread to nearly unreachable lows
–Avacyn Restored Spoiler: “Leyline of No Counters, No LD, No Discard”
–Jackie Lee brings us almost 10% closer to undoing the damage Darwin Kastle’s article did
–Sponsor’s invite given to Edgar Flores for coming extremely close to not getting caught cheating last season
–Level 5 judge reportedly demoted to Level 0 for not being condescending at all during a 12 hour stretch

September 6, 2011

–Bertoncini and Jacobson rewarded for cheating; sucking, respectively

–Kai and Nassif just a few FNMs away from being considered among the best

–Silver lining: AJ Sacher threatens to quit Magic

–Finkel ‘pretty much OK with the changes’ to ratings system

–Rietzl to publish book with SCG, “Next Level Dice Rolling”

August 16, 2011

–R&D defends Mental Misstep:  ‘at least it’s not Dismember’

–‘Funny deck name on decklist’ guy still waiting for first published top 8

–R&D can’t balance Standard with tons of data, likely nailed Modern on first try

–Chrome Mox sues Wizards for discrimination, says other marginal 1-of playables weren’t fired

–Umezawa’s Jitte seeks to intervene in Chrome Mox lawsuit

August 9, 2011

–LSV ends holdout, returns to CF training camp.

–U.S.A. does not win team portion of Worlds 2011

–Ashton Kutcher returns all stolen cards from GenCon in upcoming Punk’D episode

–EDH player doesn’t put Mosswort Bridge and Reliquary Tower in his deck, is literally laughed out of his play group

–Tim Aten wins booster pack on MODO

August 2, 2011

–GerryT wins Friday Night Magic and a local store prerelease event BACK TO BACK!

–Verhey: Griffin Rider is better with more griffins

–Pairings are up

–Man pawns fiancé’s engagement ring to play M12 release event on MODO

— Owen Turtenwald unironically ‘likes’ facebook status

July 27, 2011

–Brad Nelson book ‘One Good Year’ to be co-authored by Conley Woods

–With lethal damage imminent, local man checks Inferno Titan for M11 symbol

–Jacob Van Lunen cries himself to sleep following being cut-off while driving

–Tim Landale book ‘One Good Tournament’ to be co-authored by Anthony Eason

–Worlds invite given at Comic Con draws outrage from Slovenian national team

–Evan Ervin book ‘One Good Round’ to be co-authored by Tom LaPille

July 20, 2011

–Guy next to you in deck registration ‘opened a pretty good deck’

–Michael Jacob turns 45

–Woman, real life ‘6’, deemed ‘9’ inside convention hall

–Man offers sexual favors in exchange for place to stay at GenCon

–AJ Sacher cuts hair, still very creepy

July 14, 2011

–New core sets to come out monthly in 2013 starting with Magic January 2013

–35 year old with all foil deck 0-2s PTQ, reexamines life choices

–David Ochoa on working relationship with LSV: ‘Sure.’

–Reports of Owen Turtenwald seen with girl now confirmed as brother-sister outing

–Guy makes Charlie Sheen ‘Winning’ joke at FNM, only ‘That’s What She Said’ guy laughs

July 6, 2011

–‘Where are they now?’ Show to feature Brad Nelson

–Ultra Pro announces PT ‘Throwback’ sleeves, all 75 are uniquely marked

–Patrick Chapin proven right, does NOT say ‘I told you so’

–Player changes mind following Twitter discussion

–Discussion of Core Set limited strategy triggers FBI probe as word ‘bomb’ is mentioned 138 times

June 29, 2011

–Thrull denies massacre, says Icatians control media

–Survey: Hipsters preferred Old Phyrexia

–Housing Authority says hoarder ‘still has all these’

–Matt Mar left alone 20 minutes, does not masturbate

–Man declares ‘No Scooping’; goes off for 34 hours

June 22, 2011

–Efro: luck ‘not a factor’ in tournament loss

–Italian player builds sealed deck with only cards opened

–Gitaxian Probe reveals terrible keep

–Goldfish labor dispute with Matt Nass reaches day 15

–Terrorist to hostage negotiator: ‘Throw in a money uncommon.’

3 Responses “HEADLINES ARCHIVE” →

  1. Fuktabi Orangutans

    August 1, 2011

    Best part of the site

    Reply
  2. i lol’d a bunch. i wish these were actual articles.

    Reply
  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAA

    Terrorist to hostage negotiator: ‘Throw in a money uncommon.’

    –Reports of Owen Turtenwald seen with girl now confirmed as brother-sister outing

    lmao

    Reply

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